Just because I haven’t been engaging in your world doesn’t mean I’m alone, lonely or depressed. I’ve been regularly engaging with a variety of people and brains that have been accepting, engaging, and refreshing. It feels kind of wrong to say this with the current situation but I’ve been generally happy.
I would say it was early April that I really stopped answering NT messages. I honestly didn’t have time to answer every message I was getting, do the adulting I needed to do, and do the art I wanted to do. I decided to prioritize the things I actually wanted to be doing and when it came to responding to messages it turned out to be other divergents.
Please understand that wasn’t an intentional thing and these aren’t even people who are all diagnosed with the same disorders as me. These are people with a wide variety of diagnoses: eating disorders, autism, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, addiction issues, post traumatic stress disorder, some of them I don’t even know the diagnosis I just assume they are divergent because of where on the internet they are hanging out. These were just the people where I felt I was having the most interesting and unforced conversations, where I felt the most free to be myself.
My COVID world has been so colorful. Instead of listening to a bunch of different pop song covers about clorox wipes and the stresses of hoarding toilet paper I’ve been having philosophical conversations about what bodies and brains are capable of and where we would live if we had the choice and what we would do if we didn’t have limits put on us by neurotypical job requirements or capitalism. I’ve spent hours talking about books, writing, drugs, and a vast variety of topics with people of multifarious opinions and life experiences. It’s changed my life.
And the great thing about hanging around mostly Divergents is that there are no limitations. If I say I want to quit my day job and go back to pursuing a career in writing because being policed by NTs all day is making me miserable, people applaud that. If I say that in an NT circle they tell me I’m crazy and talk me out of it. And being socially awkward is so well accepted I think it would be almost a little bit odd if you weren’t. Another thing I’ve noticed if you say you like something that other people don’t like or you don’t like something that’s widely popular people don’t put you down for it or make you feel stupid for being different. Neurodivergents are used to being the “weird” one; they accept your weirdness and don’t push you to conform.
It makes the world so much more vibrant and entertaining. If you can’t find the words to talk you can talk in panda gifs. If you need to take a rest you and your cat can lay down and do self-hypnosis stories together. If you are feeling stir crazy you can get your shouty friend to help you throw fireballs in a live stream of otherwise calm people. When you’re stressed you can bake cookies and eat bags of chocolate but blame it on someone else. You can watch thinspo cartoons from the 90’s and early 2000’s at odd hours of the morning and make eating disorder jokes with your ED friends. You can plan a wedding for the ED gods. You can smoke weed with your neighbors in a dinosaur onesie. You can be silly. You can try new things. You can be yourself. And when you’re more open about yourself you stumble on people who have never had the chance to do that before and you can help them do the same, giving the world a bit more color.
We’re all like Christmas lights. Turned off they all look pretty much the same. Turned on they give the most beautiful, extravagant color and light show. Turn them on, on psychedelics oooweee. ;)
This world is so beautiful and colorful. Why would I ever want to live in black and white?
I’ve always loved Christmas lights.